I love being the fly on the wall for conversations. If you see me on a bus, train, or lingering in a coffee shop with my latte, chances are I’m listening. Not in a creepy way—but in a curious way. Human interactions are my classroom, and recently, I overheard a doozy at breakfast.

I almost pulled out my phone to record it. Right away my brain went: You have got to be kidding me.

The Breakfast Table Encounter

The tables were close together. At one, a man spoke loudly to a woman across from him. She sat perfectly still—no movement, no words, barely breathing. Instantly, I recognized the posture of discomfort. How many times do we see this in the workplace? One person monologuing, the other frozen because it’s too uncomfortable to respond—or too risky to say the “wrong” thing.

That’s your first clue: stillness can be a signal of deep discomfort. Situational awareness is key.

“What a Waste of Time!”

The man launched into a rant:

“That’s such a big waste of time. And he’s wasting your time. And by extension, he’s wasting my time. And I’m not about wasting time.”

Did you catch it? He took someone else’s frustration and co-opted it into his own outrage. Suddenly, it wasn’t about the woman’s experience—it was about him.

Then came the kicker, shouted loud enough for nearby families to cringe:

“He’s a big F-ing waste of my time!”

Ego Out of Control

What struck me was the egotism. Here was someone taking ownership of another person’s situation—not with compassion, but with indignation. He wasn’t validating her experience; he was hijacking it for his own emotional response.

Maybe it was about a contractor, maybe a painter—I’ll never know. But what was clear was the misalignment of expectations around time, urgency, and results. One person was upset, but the other felt personally offended and self-righteous.

Sound Familiar?

How often does this dynamic show up at work?

• A leader takes on an employee’s frustration but amplifies it into their own outrage.
• A team member pounds the table about their inconvenience rather than focusing on the actual issue.
• The “still” person in the room goes silent, too uncomfortable—or too smart—to feed the fire.

This isn’t leadership. It’s chest-pounding. And it leaves others feeling silenced, dismissed, and wary.

The Real Takeaway

So here’s the lesson:

• Watch the body language. If someone freezes, don’t bulldoze—check in.
• Don’t co-opt. Let people have their own experiences without making it about you.
• Keep it proportional. Outrage may feel powerful in the moment, but it erodes credibility over time.

Because at the end of the day, yelling about someone else’s frustration isn’t compassion. It’s not leadership. It’s a temper tantrum dressed up as urgency.

Ask yourself: Are you responding to the situation—or are you amplifying it because it’s inconvenient for you?

One shows awareness. The other just makes you the loudest voice in the room… for all the wrong reasons.